How I'm Learning Not to Take My Spouse for Granted
Helloooo
Raise your hand if you often take your spouse for granted (hand raise).
This week I raised my hand hard, and sadly over the most thankful day of the year.
Our weeks leading up to Thanksgiving this year have been hectic and full. We both changed jobs in the same time frame, expectations in work and business raised, my brother just moved up north, and our average hours of sleep a night are close to zero. Needless to say, I’m hearing voices and my eyes have been twitching non stop the whole month of November (jk). Over the course of 60 days I forgot who I was and the incredible man I am married to amidst a busy schedule.
With the transition of a new job and business, I held myself in high expectation. I wanted to be so good at what I did that I would be the best. How many of us know, though, that the first week training on a job is harrrrrd.
When I didn’t meet those expectations through mistakes and simply learning I slipped into the world of “lack of identity”. I forgot who I was, I forgot that I was capable of what I had been called to.
Because I couldn’t meet those expectations on my own I transferred them to Mason.
One night I just totally cracked inside over a small ordeal. While we were in Iowa for the holiday, my mom had graciously offered to buy us a week of groceries. I love food so my heart and soul went into this. When you’re on a budget, blessings like this are a God-send. When we got home Mason offered to put the groceries away and placed every bag in the deep freezer to keep cool- including all the produce.
The next day while we were packing up we realized what had happened…
The fruit was rock solid.
The vegetables were frozen mush.
The yogurt turned to chunky milk.
I lost my sanity.
When Mason offered to put the groceries away I expected him to do it in a way that I didn’t communicate with him. When he didn’t make that expectation, I shamed him.
For some reason it’s easy to put expectations onto our significant other. I think it may be because we put such high expectations on ourselves, or hope that they will pick up where we are unable to leave off. Either way, it is completely unfair.
A lack of love to my significant other is a reflection of my own lack of love towards myself.
In this act of unkindness I had to learn how not to take my spouse for granted.
To do that, I had to remember why I loved him. I had to remember his gifts and characteristics.
I had to force myself to look at the situation I was in, with all my terrible and judgemental thoughts, and ask myself-
Do I love Mason more than my groceries?
Do I love Mason more than my sleep when I am so tired after a long day at work?
Do I love Mason more than my anger and frustration right now?
To begin with, some of those answers I wanted to respond, “no”, but I knew that was wrong.
There are so many things that occupy our love (mind) every day and many times the enemy will try to convince us of what he wants us to love- hate, anger, jealousy, lust…
When that happens I have to remember what I truly love.
I encourage you, reader, do not put expectations on your spouse or yourself. It is a harmful trap. The Lord wants us to take all of our expectations and put them on him so that we may be expectant- meaning, hopeful. Change your shame to hope, meaning looking forward every day to what he will place in your path in a positive manner. It will set your spouse free and it will set you free.