Resisting to be Resolute - How I'm seeing the Journey Over the Destination.

4/15/2021

I drove to starbucks today, wanting to just get away from it all. Walking up to the doors of the coffee shop I was stopped by a truck driver who let me know the shop was closed due the riots happening around Minnesota right now from the death of Dante and the case for George Floyd. I walked back to my car unhappy, but chuckling a little… here we are again, in the moment of my planned out escape you bring me back to earth to sort things out within me. So in spite I drove over to Caribou Coffee across the street and parked my car with my laptop. No coffee, just my feelings and me, and you.

I find myself wanting to run away more often, outside of the normalcy and noise of life. Really, I know that I desire to run away from the thoughts and feelings inside of me. Though little is happening outside, it’s a rave in my mind.

Isn’t it funny how good we are at portraying a mask to others in order to cover up our built up hurt and confusion.

I know it’s not that hard to carry on… but it feels hard and it looks hard… so it is hard. Do you ever lose yourself in the question of , “Where do I belong?” I often do. I’m so multifaceted, so talented, so random and gifted, and open. It sounds like a blessing over a curse, but when I feel all these things inside of me and I know I could do anything I put my mind to and succeed I become overwhelmed. There are so many vehicles to take me where I need to go, I just don’t know which one to drive. I don’t know which one I belong to.

Maybe they are waiting to belong to you.

That does make me think. What if I don’t belong to just one car, maybe I own several. Maybe, just maybe, I don’t belong to them, they belong to me?

Help me understand this.

I’m reminded of Sarah Blakely, the creator of Spanx. I don’t really know that it was her passion since birth to create stretchy pants, but she did it and owned it. She became a multi millionaire by creating a product that enhanced women’s lives… maybe men’s too, but I won’t go down that route.

Thomas Eddison created the lightbulb, but it wasn’t the lightbulb that lit him on fire… it was the act of discovery. It wasn’t the thing, it was the journey to the thing that brought him life.

Even Jesus Christ. It wasn’t the healing of the multitudes that set him on fire, it was the teaching to the twelve, or even just the inner circle! That lit his flame. The healings were just the dinner bell for the meal of wisdom and truth he could share with those who were hungry for it.

So I see now that it must not be the things that drives me, the feeling of “I’ve made it”. Isn’t that just so much easier to say than to do? One step of a time and I will find the right path.